How Women can help Men Grow
Part One
Matthew: Welcome. So today we’re going to talk about how women can
help the men in their life, whether it’s their husband or
their boyfriend that are struggling to come into services
that can help them become a better man, whether it’s
reducing their pain, reducing their stress or any other
aspects of making the relationship more whole,
improving communication.
And I have two amazing, very wise, talented women
with me today, Dr. Lisa and Marcia, a retired social
worker. And I think a lot of the women that come in this
office to get body work, to get energy work, to get
resolution, want their husbands to come in.
Some come in, some don’t, and it’s a struggle.
And the couples out there that don’t already know this
need to understand.
Women tend to know. However, they would do well to
understand on a deep level, they’re likely taking on a lot
of the pain, stress and anxiety from the male, because if
you’re sleeping in the same bed, you’re sharing the same
space, you’re bonded through sexual engagement.
You are, in fact, in the same field consciously, physically,
emotionally, spiritually, etc.
And Unfortunately, and fortunately for humanity, women,
through their beautiful hearts that are developed and
cultivated, offer that energy out constantly and with their
male counterpart will, in effect, through that process,
deplete themselves, which then will further exacerbate
their already baseline issues of stress and anxiety that
they carry.
And since they’re constantly using most of their brain to
solve problems and anticipate and strategize for the
betterment of their family and friends, they’re already
tapped out, usually, good women.
And most all women are good women.
I would like to talk to support the women out there on
how to talk to they’re males.
Give examples of what you all have done that have
supported the male in your life to improve himself so that
they have an idea of how to handle things.
So welcome and thank you for being here.
Lisa, would you like to share?
Dr. Lisa: Sure.
I think one of the most important thing is to do you.
And so it’s a really take the time to take care of yourself
before taking care of everybody else, including your man.
And instead of trying to fix or change what’s going on
with your man, try to look internally at what’s going on
internally for you, because if you’re not whole and good,
your energy is depleted and you are tapped out.
So first and foremost, the more I have myself in a good
place, I do my ritual practices.
I’m strong, I’m healthy.
Then whatever comes away with my partner, I can stay
solid and I can work from a place of listening and love
instead of a place of reaction and hurt.
Matthew: And as my partner, I will say thank you so much.
Dr. Lisa: You’re Welcome.
Matthew: How about you, Marcia?
Marcia: Well, with me, it’s that way to I have to initially
work on getting to that point because I had to accept my
husband just not willing to do anything for himself.
And then I could look at me and just stay on my process
of healing myself and keep up and consistent with that.
And I think he sees that.
And and I really want to say what I said earlier, but, you
know, if he gets upset with me because I’m keeping
appointments to take care of myself, if he wants to do
something else, I can let him know that I have to do this
process to take care of me so that I can help him.
So and then finally, he took six years.
He’s now coming to get body-work done and take care
of himself just long overdue.
But I’m grateful that that’s happening.
Matthew: So thank you, Marcia.
Without using names, since we know some of these
folks, this was a very sad and disappointing event that
occurred with a family.
So the wife and the kids were coming, everyone was
improving.
The stress was going down, they were getting better.
And the husband, is a doctor and doctors are
the most under cared for people on the planet.
And I think that my wife, father, grandfather, great
grandfather, all being doctors, I could speak to this from
first hand experience. Doctors I believe in my heart enter
to help humanity.
And Unfortunately, without going down the rabbit hole of
what’s broken in the medical system, they’re exposed to
things that really aren’t in alignment with that.
And there’s a certain element of acceptance for things
that are wrong within that field.
And there’s different degrees and levels to that that are
part of the curriculum, if you will.
And so because they’re always focused on helping, they
forget to help themselves.
And in this particular incident, this gentleman chose to
prohibit his wife from continuing, and she accepted that.
And to her detriment and his and the children, and is very
unhealthy dynamic between those two.
And this happens a lot, I think.
So just because that was personal to this process, I got
to first hand see one of many examples that I have been
exposed too. And in any type of a field that a person
seeks help, if the partner is feeling threatened through
their own insecurities or because they feel that that
partner is going to grow away from them and potentially
leave them because they’re improving And the person
that’s threatened is not willing to do the work and or
doesn’t want to lose something. Really.
That loss is the old self that really needs to die.
Those old habits, those old beliefs, those old ways of
being, this old paradigm, the dynamics of their
personal family childhood that was given to them as
a framework that no longer applies all of these things.
Collectively, are a prison and a man will ultimately
hold himself in a masochistic prism and prison that
he can’t see through the reflection of everything going
on because there’s so much in his mind he’s holding
on to, he can’t see what’s in front of them.
So here this amazing woman that just wants to love,
who wants to provide, who wants to grow, is held back.
And really, there’s only two decisions for her.
And of course, when she has children, one of the
decisions she doesn’t want to do is leave.
But sometimes that’s the healthiest thing to do, if in
fact, it’s too challenging and it’s going to hurt the
whole in the long term, if the one person not willing
to shift their growth or change is basically going to
sink the whole ship. And we see this a lot.
And Unfortunately, it’s probably more male driven
than it is female driven although,
All females are not perfect.
However, the female has to be willing to work with the
male, and usually they will.
Lisa: I feel and I think in that instance, it goes back to
what I said earlier, speaking from a female
perspective. And not all females are like that.
We have a tendency sometimes, and humans do
just in general to blame and to want to put it on
somebody else. You know, my husband’s not willing
to grow, my husband’s not willing to see my husband.
And sometimes it takes a lot of work and it doesn’t
always work. But at least it’s something to shift that
energy inside of yourself and shift your perspective
and see.
Well, maybe he feels threatened.
What is it in our relationship and our energy that’s
making him feel threatened?
There’s something at the core, it’s something I must
be doing to to make him feel threatened.
And so really looking at his perspective in another
way without compromising your growth and yourself,
but just really sort of incorporating it to really make a
safe situation for you both. And so I think once again,
really looking internal in looking at your views and
what energy you’re putting out can be helpful in that
situation.
And like I said, it doesn’t always work.
However, if consistent and coming from a place of
love, I think we really do have the ability to change
ourselves.
And when we change ourselves and change our
energy towards towards certain situations or people,
the energy of the whole situation has a potential to
expand and grow and change.
Marcia: Yes, I see that in my relationship with my
husband,
I’ll just continue to focus on myself and I think he
felt it.
Matthew: So I want to close with on this topic.
One specific thing that in my observation, I feel
women being such givers and lovers and nurturers
of everyone.
You don’t have to love yourself to love another person.
And I think really, in that statement, the value of this
understanding of partnership and growth in order to
grow, you have to love yourself.
Otherwise you can love everyone around you and
stay in a frame that works for the degree it works.
And I want to encourage all the women out there to
really not consider anything other than your Super
valuable and absolutely necessary for all humanity
to thrive and therefore to love yourself in whatever
ways that make sense.
This is really great.
I had someone in yesterday.
We know her.
And she took the self discipline route where she’s
eating very healthy.
She’s meditating, she’s working out, she’s clean,
right? She’s taking her time to exacerbate the word
discipline because it’s really self love.
And she’s done it long enough now that something’s
missing.
And we have this discussion, and she’s engaging
with this relationship with the guy, and she’s not sure.
And she’s kind of vetting him out, really, really taking
her time, smart, you know, not sleeping with him, not
even really kissing him for the first couple of weeks.
Just be like, Who are you?
Right.
Like, I know who I am now.
I really want to know who you are.
And I really admire that, because not a lot of people
do this. And I really feel like that is the ultimate path, the
ultimate path to connection that’s long term and worth
having. And so the conclusion of our conversation
was I said, what are the three reasons you don’t want
to get into a relationship? And she didn’t have any.
What are the three reasons you do want to get into a
relationship?
And all of those reasons she gave pointed to that’s
going to be her balance.
She’s got no one to share.
She’s got no one to grow what she’s got, you know
what I mean? And these things are all necessary to
Bloom. So to grow in a relationship, both people have
to choose discipline in order to have self love and to
take on your own personal self-care and process and
figure out what of all the different things you could do
are going to give you the best return for your time and
your efforts.
And so to everyone out there, both male and female,
alike, please give yourself the gift of loving yourself in
whatever ways, However small or large, with or
without the support of other people, with or without
the permission of other people, in order that you can
become more of who you really are. And as you do
that, you’ll replace the things that don’t serve you as
well that you’ve been using as tools to survive and
navigate life.
Let yourself out of prison because the world is
waiting for you in the green field outside.
God bless you.